Two Types of People

 Everyone knows there are two types of people. Dog people and cat people. Tea and coffee people. Meanderers and striders. Weak and strong. Rich and poor. Tall and short. However, there is another way to divide people. Those who think there is one type of person and those who think there are two types of people.

            In the land of Monarchy Incorporated, people were divided into their categories and had their place and everyone was content. Then one day, a philosopher had an idea and said to the king, “Your highness, if there are two types of people, then what if there was one group who thought there was only one group, and a second group who thought there were two groups of people.” The King was flummoxed by this. If everyone thought there were two types of people, then really there was only one type of person. If everyone believed there was one type of person, then everyone could be correct, assuming no one changed their mind.

            The King said, “I will solve this problem. I will create a secret law that anyone who has ever been wrong about this question will be put to death.”

            The philosopher agreed immediately, because the King was infallible, and no one disagreed with the King. The philosopher said, “This is a great idea, and will surely solve the problem.”

            So the King sent out secret inquisitors to conduct a survey of the people to find out what they thought about whether there was one or two types of people. There was disagreement. Some people thought there was one type of person, and the others thought there were two types of people. After the entire population had been surveyed, the people who thought there was only one type of person began to disappear.

            After a few months, only people who thought there were two types of people were left. The King is triumphant. “I have solved the problem! Clearly there are two types of people.”

            But the philosopher said, “Your highness, if everyone knows there are two types of people, then clearly, there is only one type of person, those who believe that there are two types of people.”

            The King began to cry, because he keeps his word and is infallible, so if he changed his mind, he would have to admit that he was not infallible, and so he never changes his mind.

            So everyone in the kingdom, including the King, was executed for being wrong.

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